...On down to San An-Tone.
Ok, well, it's rolling past San Antone now, but whatevs.
So I've kinda been slacking on this whole thing, which is in no small part due to the lack of stimulus I'm currently experiencing. So I thought I'd put up this quick anecdote, something that occurred recently that I thought was amusing. Also, I figure I have to write something or my audience will shrink to nothing.
I was going shopping a couple days ago. Now let me tell those of you who live in other places, that you haven't shopped until you've gone shopping in Las Vegas. Grocery shopping, that is. First off, even Whole Foods here sucks. And once you've given up on finding anything worth buying at Whole Foods (first you have to have decided to hike ass across town to get there to decide that), the only options remaining are Smiths, Von's (AKA Safeway) and Albertson's. Now, this might not be SOOOOOO bad, except that all of those suck too. And I guess I didn't include Wal-Mart, but, unlike Hillary Clinton, I don't consider Wal-Mart an acceptable place to do business. Although considering my current finances, I might have to take a job if they asked me to join their board of directors. But I digress. Long story short, the grocery situation here, at least as compared to everywhere else I've ever lived, sucks. No local co-op. No Whole Foods worth it's salt. Not even a respectable crappy Mega-Chain branch. Nothing.
So, having resigned ourselves to the fate of a crappy trip to the store, Brie and I pull into the lot of Von's at Desert Inn and Durango, sometime around 4pm on a Monday afternoon. As I pull into the lot, I see a scrappy looking dude with a giant head of floppy orange hair walking towards us, and I turn to Brie and say, "Hey look, it's Carrot-Top!"
"Um, that is Carrot-Top."
And sure enough, it was. And boy, is he one odd looking fellow. But I digress. The important thing, aside from the fact that Carrot-Top was in the parking lot of Von's in the middle of the day, was that he had made no apparent purchase inside the store. And there was a teenage cart collector kid walking with him. And when they noticed that we had looked at them, they split apart. And they sort of circled each other between cars until we went inside.
Now, it could just be that Carrot-Top (B-list celebrity and headliner of his own comedy show at the Luxor) has a teenage friend who works as a bag boy at Von's. Or it could be that they were engaged in some sort of search for the pack of gum Carrot-Top perhaps purchased and promptly lost inside the store. But I know that when I was in High School, there was really only one reason you went to talk to the kid who collected carts in the Stop-and-Shop parking lot. I'm not saying, though. Just saying.
Since we're on the subject of funny stories...
I'm flipping through the TV the other day, and I encounter one of those CGI shows on Discovery or Animal Planet, something about Prehistoric Monsters or some such. The topic of this particular episode was Sabretooth Tigers. The CGI was actually quite impressive, and, but for the movement, would have been quite believable. Brie, meanwhile, is knitting, or reading Newsweek or something, and looks up at some point just as the Sabretooth-ess is stalking some sort of elephant-nosed deer creature. Not apparently noticing the deerephant, she stares for a minute, then says, "what is that?"
"A Sabretooth tiger."
A very long, very grinding pause, then, "they're still around?"
And of course, I couldn't possibly write a post without including some sort of political nonsense. I didn't bore everyone with my tales of the County Convention here in Las Vegas two weeks ago, partly because it wouldn't likely make any sense to anyone (I helped "organize" it, and it doesn't make much sense to me) and partly because it would take a really long time to explain just how large a boondoggle it became. I'll just mention that the Clark County Democratic Party screwed the pooch.
Just like NH, what we accomplished in Texas, and to a lesser degree Ohio, should likely have been considered victories. In all three, we closed 20 point gaps in short amounts of time, losing, at least in TX and NH, by very narrow margins. Normally, when one politician says "I've got a firewall," and the polls show a huge gap, if you get within 5 points it's a victory. But, because the media hates Hillary and is determined to sink her (hmmmm...), they artificially raised expectations on our performance, and now impressive achievements appear as letdowns. I'll admit, I am disappointed, but everyone would rather win than lose, right? The good news is that both Wyoming (caucus) and Mississippi (primary) vote in the next week, so the hoopleheads on cable and the internet will have something concrete to discuss. The bad news is that there will then be 6 weeks until the next primary, in Pennsylvania, on April 22. Just to put that in perspective, it's only been 8 weeks since the Iowa Caucus, and 4 since Super-Dooper-Pooper-Scooper-Tuesday. It'll be the longest, most excruciating 6 weeks of punditry-without-results anyone has ever seen.
And what could a washed up celebrity doing mysterious things in a supermarket lot and an extinct hunter with long, sharp, yet extremely fragile, fangs have to do with anything? I dunno. I reckon you can figure that one out. I'll just say, I'm hoping those fangs hit a shoulder blade or something and snap off.
I CAN tell you is that the longer this thing drags on, the more I want to shoot a man in Reno, just to watch him die...
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