It turns out that I am not actually on staff with the campaign, but am, in fact, an independent contractor, or "political consultant." Which, of course, means that it is now time for me to make some sort of a) asinine and irrelevant statement that will be taken wildly out of context, b) say something genuinely inappropriate and offensive, c) make a statement that, while true, is unpalatable to the broader public, or d) all of the above. As we all know, the result of this action is that I will be skewered by Howard Wolfson on conference call upon conference call, learn that the candidate denounces, renounces, rejects, objects and vomits as a result of my comments, to be further lambasted constantly by Joe Scarborough, discussed incredulously by Chris Matthews, indefensibly defended by Bill O'Reilly (or, if what I say is un-American, tarred and feathered by the entire FoxNews Ministry of Information), tried and convicted by the PC or Patriot Police (depending on whether I say something racist/sexist, or something unpatriotic, or both), and, finally, I will resign from the campaign under a cloud of shame and infamy that will last until the next advisor says something that falls into one of the categories listed above.
At least, that's my understanding of the role of political consultants. This guy has something worth reading on the subjust, too:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/15/AR2008031501004.html?sub=AR
It's interesting being one of two staff members in a state, and I'll certainly miss my job when someone desperate for a scoop mistakes me for someone who matters and catches me calling someone a bad word.
On a completely, or at least mostly, unrelated topic, check this shit out. It's good times.
http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/play.shtml?mea=229454
I was setting up the office the other day for a phone bank. We haven't really used the office since the 20th of January. It was a complete disaster, until some of our volunteers decided to get it cleaned up about 3 weeks ago. It didn't really matter that it was a total disaster, since it was not in use, but we figured we were likely to need it. Now it's usable, but just barely. So I'm setting up for a phone bank, and these two guys walk in, one Ozzie and one Limey. And they're like,
"Hey mate, you got any gear we can get to take home with us?"
And so I'm like, "Um, not really. We don't really have any shirts or buttons or anything, but you can get 'em on the website."
And they started crying (well, not really crying, but they did look disappointed in that really polite, foreign way), so I was like, "but I've got, like, some yard signs, if you want...?"
And then they perked up, and they were like, "Cheerio (no, not kidding), yeah, that'd be brilliant."
So we went back, and they each took two yard signs (one from Iowa, one from Nevada). And then, as we're leaving, I saw a box of these weird posters we had with a painted portrait of Barack that we always called Jesus Barack because there're like sunrays coming out from behind his head and it's all a little religious-y, and I was like, "oh, we've got these posters..."
And they're like, "Oh, those are perfect, like." And they got all goofy and took a small ton of these posters, and went waltzing out the door with a, "thanks so much, mate, this is totally brilliant," and that was that.
Which just strikes me as great. And they also mentioned that if England and Europe got to vote, Barack would win handily. Which has already been polled, but it's always nice to hear.
Ok, dinner time. I hope you've enjoyed this, and somewhere in here I swear I said something that's really horribly inappropriate and not in the spirit of the race, and I'll soon be sheepishly leaving my post with a huge apology.
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